Surrounded by Surrogates

Today I received a letter in the mail that contained the card from the funeral of my last surviving grandparent. My grandmother Jane passed away on March 13th. It was hard to grieve alone, far away from my family. It was difficult to bring myself to open this card, a month late, and read about an event I very much wish I could have attended. 

A few days after losing my grandma, I left Nouakchott to visit the families of friends from New York in the Fouta region. While sitting on the front steps of my friend's brother's house, someone passed me her phone. On the other line was a friend in NYC who said, "Please go see my mother. She lives next door." I went there immediately. Sitting on her porch, my friend's mother was very small and nearly blind. Yet she was alert and active, talkative and welcoming. My heart felt happier than it had felt for a long time, like it was finally healing, now that it found a temporary surrogate. I wanted to stay by her side for as long as possible. 

Unfortunately, we couldn't stay for long because it was already getting late. As I walked away from the house, I couldn't stop thinking about all of my friends in NYC and how hard it must be for them to live so far from their families, for such extended amounts of time. I wished more than anything that they could trade places with me on the porch, even for only a few minutes. Yet I know that that day might be a long time coming, due to finances and family responsibilities.

Visiting these villages also made me realize how much my friends are needed. The financial support they are providing to the entire communities is truly remarkable. They build the wells that everyone uses for their daily water supply and their monthly contributions provide support not only to their parents, wives, and children but also to their entire extended networks of families. In a small town, nearly every one is related in some way! 

This significant contribution to their communities comes at a high price: Living far from the people and places where they feel the strongest connections. After spending time in their villages, I realized the magnitude of these sacrifices on both sides of the ocean. Those living abroad are deeply appreciated, respected, and missed back at home. Their names are repeated every day and I am sure that my friends are among the first learn about all of the latest village news!!!

Before leaving the villages to return to Nouakchott, I wanted to hug each grandmother extra tight. I wanted to recite over and over to every grandfather stories about their children and how much they missed them and cared about them, just as I am sure my friends do with every phone conversation. 

I have said goodbye to one generation of my family. Now it is up to me to make the most of every day and to continue honoring the wisdom of the older generations. I am grateful for every day I get to spend with my friends' families, even if we share no common language. Just being close is enough!